an intro

i have this friend ruben that i have never actually met.

we happen to be going through much the same thing (attempting to stay clean from meth) at the same time. through the magic of myspace, we connected and we were regular correspondants. he would write me long leters of his troubles and i would repond in kind. it was comforting to know that somewhere in all of this madness, there was a kindred spirit who understood the insane things that were going on in my head.

i miss talking to him. granted, he's only a phone call away, or maybe even a quick email away, but something tells me that we have just sort of moved towards our individual destinations and that the time that we comforted each other was just a moment in time when two like people coincided in cyberspace.

it'sfunny, b/c i get the urge to actually make the call, and i never do. how do you start that off? "hi, we've never talked in person, but i've known you online for over a year."? dunno.

the point of this blog is to write a series of letters to ruben. i want to start a blog that i can say everything that i am thinking about, no matter what it is. there are things i can't write in my myspace page blog b/c my mum reads it and there are things i'm not ready to say yet. there are things i need to figure out about my life w/ my boyfriend, but i can't say in my main blogs for the same reason.

i need a space that i can just write whatever i'm thinking and not hold anything back.

i'm sure it will be paragraph upon paragraph of insipid whining, but if you are reading this, bear in mind that i am writing for me. (dont get me wrong, it would be cool if someday in te future, i refer ruben to this site, but that's not why i'm writing).